the Gift of Listen

Since graduating from seminary 18 years ago (whew!) a handful of my classmates and I have met every year as a "covenant group." We take turns playing host and typically spend about four days together. Again, we've been doing this every year for the past 18. Pretty amazing, I think. We've experimented with various formats and content. We've critiqued one another's sermons, studied books together, and have met with mentor pastors and church leaders around the country. But from the very beginning one staple of our time together has been the "hot seat." No matter what format our covenant group takes on a given year it always includes a "hot seat" for each of us.

We take turns putting the focus of our attention one person at a time and we listen. We listen to what's going in our jobs, with our kids, and in our marriages. The focus stays exclusively on that one person until the group decides we're done.

What makes the "hot seat" such a great gift is that my friends' listening isn't just polite head nods and occasional clarifying statements ("what I hear you saying is…"). I mean they do that too. But their listening more real. It's the kind of listening that plunges between the words and peels back your soul. When I'm in the "hot seat" they know when to listen in silence while I ramble around to the deeper truth of my own words. But they also know when to listen to me with their own words. (Sometimes they talk at me a lot when I'm in the "hot seat.") But oddly enough, I need that kind of listening too. I guess it's the artful dance between listening in silence and listening with words that makes the gift of listen meaningful.