Pornography is a silent marriage-killer. It confuses our young people about healthy sexuality. It drives human trafficking and exploits countless men and women trapped in this multi-billion dollar industry. Even so, a toxic combination of shame and ignorance makes talking openly about sexual exploitation and pornography difficult in the church.
That's why I am encouraged by a growing movement within our congregation to break the silence. Parents are seeking resources to help their children safely navigate the complex world of social-media. Individual men and women are seeking healing from the addictive lure of pornography. Couples like the one below are finding freedom and wholeness in the wake of sexual brokenness.
The letter below was published in our church's quarterly newsletter. With the authors' permission, I am posting it here. I encourage you to reach out to them if you relate to their story.
If you'd like more information about the contemporary impact of pornography, you may want to consult https://www.barna.com/the-porn-phenomenon/.
That's why I am encouraged by a growing movement within our congregation to break the silence. Parents are seeking resources to help their children safely navigate the complex world of social-media. Individual men and women are seeking healing from the addictive lure of pornography. Couples like the one below are finding freedom and wholeness in the wake of sexual brokenness.
The letter below was published in our church's quarterly newsletter. With the authors' permission, I am posting it here. I encourage you to reach out to them if you relate to their story.
If you'd like more information about the contemporary impact of pornography, you may want to consult https://www.barna.com/the-porn-phenomenon/.
Our Missional Journey
I am one of you - we have been a part of you for many years. We are ordained leaders. We have stood before you in classes and in worship. We have served with you on committees and task forces, served you the elements of communion, prayed with you in heartbreak and loss, and celebrated with you the arrival of children and grandchildren.
Two years ago this summer, our marriage collapsed - collapsed under the discovery of and the unloading of my own secret life of addiction - sex addiction, pornography addiction. I watched as my best friend, companion and lover was traumatized by my betrayal. My shame and sense of failure had me in a deep well of darkness. In such a place of extreme trauma and shame, sadly church did not seem like the safe place that we needed it to be. We pulled back, re-trenched with a few trusted friends, and tried to find a way out.
I consulted with a therapist acquaintance for some emotional triage. His quick assessment was that addiction was not in play - just marriage problems. He suggested that I attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous 12-step meeting or two and just listen. That would confirm it for me - that addiction was NOT my issue. Others suggested the same thing, so one evening I walked into a strange room in a strange church, into a room full of strangers, and after an hour, I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I had found a “spiritual program of recovery.” Not only that - GOD was in that room.
We began to work with a coach/therapist couple in West Houston who specialize in trauma based recovery for couples/partners that have been decimated by sexual infidelity and addictive behavior. They worked with us through a difficult-but-effective re-boot of our marriage - that walked us into a program of rebuilding a trusting relationship and our marriage - our very life together in all of its constituent pieces. GOD was in that place.
Almost two years later, we are not only still together, our marriage is healthier than it has ever been. I am a more honest man than I have ever been. The cancer of secrecy has been cut from my life and from our marriage. The wholeness that we have long desired in our marriage has begun to manifest itself. GOD has been with us each and every step of the way.
The growth of missional awareness at CLPC has resonated within us. Recognizing that GOD is at work all around us, we have found our place to live, work and serve in the missional communities of addiction and trauma recovery/healing groups. We have found ourselves on the roadway “from shame to grace.” This is, as we say often in our meeting liturgies, “simple, but not easy,” requiring time, money, mental and emotional energy and availability.
In closing, I need to make an amend. Amends are part of Step 9, where the addict makes amends to those whom he has harmed. I want to apologize for my life of secrecy and deception in my years of life among you. I represented myself to you as a mature christian man and husband, when I was at best a spiritual and emotional juvenile, in pursuit of my own sense of importance and worth. At worst, I was a hypocrite-in-the-first-degree. I regret this truly and deeply. Please forgive me. I have changed my mind and my life, only by the grace of GOD himself. I am committed to my marriage, and to living a whole life, one day at a time.
Finally, if this story resonates with you - if you or your marriage are floundering in this addictive swamp, and if you are willing to do whatever it takes to see your life restored, there is HOPE. We are not experts, therapists or any other authority, but we do know where we found help, support and tools for survival. We have also found great purpose in sharing the good news that GOD can and will meet you, if he is sought.
My name is _________, and I am a recovering sex addict...YOU are not alone. We can be reached:
recoveringhusbandtx1@gmail.com
healingwifetx1@gmail.com
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